Dear Tee, So, I’m sending this to get some outside perspectives and maybe some advice on how to navigate this situation. I’ve been married to my wife, for almost four years now. We’ve been together for about seven years in total, and our relationship has always been really solid. We met on Bumble back in 2017, and we clicked right away.
She’s smart, funny, and just an all-around great person. Early on, Evie came out to me as bisexual, which I fully supported. I was the first person she confided in, and I helped her come out to her family and friends. Over time, we’d joke about her being attracted to women, maybe point out someone we thought was attractive, but it was always just casual talk.
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When we decided to get married after that, our marriage felt strong, and I didn’t think anything could shake that foundation. We both have always been great at confiding in each other. I and my wife were good at communication and were a safe space for each other. We have had tons of vulnerable conversations and we both supported each other.
But things started to change around a year ago when she started getting close with a co-worker who just started. They hit it off right away, and at first, I didn’t think much of it. To me, this was amazing that she made a new friend and started having a social life, as we moved away from our country. It was much harder for her to meet our friends. I knew this had a toll on her.
But soon enough, my wife and her co-worker bestie were spending more time together, drinks after work, the usual. I didn’t feel threatened, I thought it was just her making a friend. Then, one night, I think it was around October 2023, after a few drinks, the topic of threesomes came up. It was a joke at first, didn’t give it much thought as we were not looking for it and were content with just us.
But her friend messaged me a few days later asking if I was serious. After some back and forth, l agreed, thinking it could be something fun and experimental for our relationship. My woman never really got a chance to explore that part of being attracted to another woman. However, I forgot to point out that her friend is a lesbian.
I was confused how that would work, so that’s why I thought it was a joke. But she seemed serious, she’ll be down for it, but as she has never been with a guy, she said would it be okay if I get to my wife first so I’m comfortable? Looking back, I think she was manipulating me to get close to my wife. I’m such a f***ing idiot
I don’t know exactly when but late 2023. One night, I came home early to find the two of them on the couch, in the middle of something. The two didn’t feel guilty as her friend explained why. However, later my woman knew this was affecting me and said we could stop. We talked about it, but finding out as part of the process from her words, I reluctantly agreed.
A year passed. We did have a threesome in the end. Nothing spectacular, and I did feel pushed out without going into detail. But this was on like a one-time thing. Because they still spend time with each other. And then, my wife’s friend’s lease ended, and my woman asked if she could move in temporarily. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, but I agreed.
That was when things started getting complicated. Her friend became a permanent part of our lives, and I couldn’t ignore the fact that she and she were becoming much closer. But it didn’t change how she loved me, she treated me the same. But didn’t spend as much time together as we did and she seemed to be cuddling up to her friend when we watched a film
Then, in December 2024, my wife told me she was pregnant. We’ve been trying for years it’s not been successful until now so I was excited at first!! This is the best news possible & but things took another turn when she told me she had developed romantic feelings for her friend and wanted her to be her girlfriend. She was honest with me about being in love with both of us, and she wasn’t sure how this was going to work but was determined to make it work somehow.
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She suggested counselling as she knew my concerns and wanted to make me happy, but she couldn’t dismiss her love for her girlfriend. Plus, she wants her friend to be involved as a co-parent. I’m honestly a little lost. I want to be there for my wife, and I want to be a good father to our child, but I also don’t know how to handle the dynamics between us now.
I don’t want to lose sight of myself in all this, but at the same time, I’m trying to keep an open mind. Has anyone else dealt with something like this? How do you navigate these feelings when the boundaries start to blur, and your relationship changes in ways you didn’t expect? Any advice would be appreciated.
