I Betrayed My Best Friend And The Guilt Is Killing Me

Dear Tee, I’ve been holding onto this secret for years, and I feel like I need to come clean finally. I don’t know if this will make me feel better or if it’ll just make everything worse, but here it goes. A few years ago, I betrayed my best friend in the worst possible way.

She is my childhood friend, and we were incredibly close shared everything, and supported each other through the toughest times. I trusted them like no one else. There was this one moment where she trusted me with something personal, something vulnerable (can’t share it). She confided in me about something that no one else knew.

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And I betrayed my best friend and that trust in the worst way. I did something I’ll never forgive myself for. At the time, I was dealing with some personal issues stress, anxiety, and a lot of pressure from family and I just wasn’t in a good place mentally. My friend was there for me through all of it. She me her time, her ear, and her heart.

I told someone else about it. Someone who wasn’t even that close to either of us just an acquaintance. I don’t know what came over me, but I thought it was “harmless.” I thought sharing their secret wouldn’t hurt her, but I was wrong. It shattered the trust we had. When she found out, I could see the hurt in their eyes.

I tried to act like it was no big deal. But even deep down, I knew that I betrayed my best friend and it was something unforgivable. We never talked about it. The relationship between us shifted after that. I could tell she started pulling and I didn’t blame her. But I was too proud to admit what I’d done, too ashamed to apologize properly. I just let the silence grow between us, and we drifted apart.

I think about it all the time, especially when I hear about her achieving something or moving on with her life. I never got the chance to apologize or make it right. I don’t even know if she’d want to hear it. I feel like I lost the one person who truly understood me, and it’s entirely my fault. Now, years later, I still regret it every day.

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I have told myself over and over that I should reach out, but I’m afraid that the damage is too much to fix. I don’t know if she will ever forgive me, and I honestly don’t know if I deserve it. I guess what I’m confessing is that I’ve been carrying this guilt for so long, and I just needed to admit it somewhere. I betrayed someone I loved, and I haven’t been able to live with it.

If I could go back in time, I’d make things right in an instant. But now, all I can do is hope that someday, she will forgive me and that I can forgive myself too. I know my friend has made many new connections, and I don’t feel worthy of her friendship anymore. I don’t want to disrupt her happiness by re-entering her life, but I hope she accepts my apology so we can part ways peacefully.