Am I A Horrible Person? I Want To Lie About Having A Miscarriage

Dear Tee, I feel like such a loser ever since I decided to take out my 16 weeks pregnancy but I don’t want to tell my boyfriend of my decision. I plan to tell him that I had a miscarriage because he so wanted to have this child.

I am 21 one years old and in the university but my boyfriend is 30 and ready to settle down. I told him to give me two years before getting married which he agreed to. I found out that I am pregnant which is about 16 weeks now but I didn’t tell him because I wanted to be sure of my decision but he found out.

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Now, I have decided that i’m getting an abortion and i have it scheduled already. But i just want to vent and get it off my chest. I want to lie to him about having a miscarriage but on the other hand, it will break him. Don’t get me wrong, I  feel horrible that i’m doing it, but i’m not able to raise a child now.

I am only  21  and I have so much time ahead of me. I tried to keep telling myself that i can push though and make it work. And I know this is the best thing for me to do, than to bring a baby into a world I can’t care for, but i feel so horrible and guilty. I even thought, I would not be able to take it out but I was surprised when I called the clinic that does it and they said they could schedule me in.

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If I tell him I got an abortion, our relationship is over but lying about having a miscarriage will break him but it will make us strong. I haven’t told anyone about getting an abortion, besides my friend who advised to do it and she will be taking me to the place. We live in the US and so its easy.

After this, I will ensure we use a condom all the the time pending when I am ready. I want kids, just not now, that is. What do I do? Do I continue with the abortion?